Have you ever kept important information from your partner?
How realistic of a proposition to you think it would be, Doctor,for me to come out and tell my husband that in my unending efforts to bring him back from the Realm of the Dead that I wittingly or unwittingly made a bargain with a Daemon? How understanding do you imagine he would be at this confession if he were to find out that this ….being is probably solely responsible for his existence, our daughter’s existence and, in fact, me being who I am? Yes. I am quite sure that would go over famously.
No. I never lied to him. I just never told my husband about it. And before you go off on some self-righteous tirade about ‘lying by omission, let me tell you a few things.
If I never would have met Azazeal, I probably would have grown up having a mother. I probably would have had a normal life, married, been a village Cailleach and even had a few children,. Certainly not the ones I have now. I would also have watched my husband die, married again and not ever have known who or what I was. It would have taken me forever to know. I am relatively certain that I would never have met Sebastien – and that entire mess would never have played out as it did. Everything would have changed. We could go on forever about what might have happened.
Yes, I know I am redirecting your question, Doctor. It is something I happen to be very good at. I commend you for detecting it. Most never have the slightest clue what’s going on until I have regained the upper hand. Call it the learned skills of a Priestess and Wytch – or of a Queen….or even of a wife. But then you have a wife, too, do you not? Oh, do not worry, I will answer your question.
Yes. I have kept all knowledge of Azazeal and what he is and how our kind, the Unseelie Sidhe are allied to the Fallen Ones from Sebastien. He knows nothing of the night that I found Azazeal in Jocelyn’s nursery, holding her….cooing at her, using the very name that my husband alone uses for her! In spite of his best manipulations, Azazeal did not succeed that night. I threw the Alliance between our Peoples back at him and won the argument. But over the years, Azazeal never relented. The whole of Jocelyn’s childhood he was around. Interestingly, however, during all this time, Sebastien never met, never saw Azazeal. How odd. And Jocelyn never mentioned him in front her Papa. The toys Azazeal gave to her were her among her favourites, especially that stuffed purple pony, Zool. For all of the tea parties, the play dates, and places where he would appear, I would see him, Jocelyn would see him, but Sebastien – nor Caroline ever would. Strange. But always he was watching her. He was also at times, I know, watching me and Sebastien…..just waiting.
No, I am not being paranoid, Doctor. You try living with Daemons as your kin and see just how you fare.
Then this week, late at night during a storm I felt it. It was on the eve of Jocelyn’s fifteenth birthday. I felt the tremor in the Earth, I felt it throughout all of the Seven Realms of Existence that something…something was awry. I have no idea what it is but it centres around my daughter. Jocelyn is its epicentre – and even now as she is on the Fortunate Island furthering her education, and is safely away, the tremors are still there. It is as if there is something happening and I am being prevented from seeing it fully.
So, just what is it that you think I should tell my husband, Doctor? What possible way could I lay out what I have just told you that he might believe? Do you imagine he would merely seek the advice of an attorney for a divorce, or do you think he would try to see how difficult it would be to have me committed to a mental facility?
No. I think I am going to continue to rely on that convention of Doctor / Patient confidentiality and just take my chances, if you do not mind.